


Eventually

by collieparker



Category: The Long Walk - Richard Bachman
Genre: College AU, Collie's a Gay Icon AU, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mostly Just Sweet Gays, Roadtrip to Joliet, Trackteam AU, but not quite yet, mentions of self harm, mentions of sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 08:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16530935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collieparker/pseuds/collieparker
Summary: A gaggle of memories come back to Collie Parker as he and Gary Barkovitch take on a roadtrip to Joliet, Illinois for summer break.





	1. Riding Along

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello it's been a while since i've uploaded a fanfic anywhere...this is my first time writing a fanfiction that's more that just a few paragraphs, so please keep that in mind while reading!! most of this is driven directly by headcanons, since Collie doesn't have much to show for in canon.
> 
> uhhhhhhh ENJOY and have a good day

“Keep right to merge onto I-80 E towards Gary, Indiana.”

 

“G—“

 

“Parker, if you say a single word about it, I swear to God.”

 

“That’s fair.”

 

It’d been far too long on the road, and as if Gary hadn’t already been irritable since they’d gotten up that morning, 8 hours of him complaining in the backseat of Collie’s truck had started to really cut deep into Collie’s patience. Sure, he’d walk to the ends of the Earth to get the guy a glass of water and God knows what else, but he began to sound just like white noise, buzzing in the back of Collie’s mind. Lord knew testing a Parker’s patience was like dancing with the devil, and Collie huffed in frustration as the minutes dragged on and the exit signs became few and far in between.

 

Brightening the mood was something neither of them could do in a proper conscious, so the ride along Gary agreed to join in on was miserable. Why did he agree to come along, anyway? The question rattled around in Collie’s brain restlessly for hours on end. It was probably best not to think about it too hard, in the case that it was most likely out of summertime boredom than anything else. 

 

In fact, Gary seemed less than interested in going to Joliet in the first place, always piping in to remind Collie that no state or city could outshine Washington D.C., whether it be in greatness or in crime. Collie knew in the back of his mind that that couldn’t possibly be true, but he decided to let Gary have this for once, even if his own state pride was bubbling over in arrogant vigor.

 

\--

 

“Why the hell are you asking me, anyway,” Gary had crossed his arms, nestling himself into a nook in his bed like a misbehaved child who had just been given time out, “Can’t you ask Abraham? Or, I dunno, Gribble? You’re friends with that bullet-head, aren’t you?”

 

Collie shrugged vaguely at the comment about being friends with poor Gribble, leaning back in Gary’s dorm room desk chair, “I don’t fuckin’ know. Abe’s already back home, I’m seein’ him when I get there--”

 

“Perfect! So I don’t have to go!”

 

“Oh no,” Collie cleared his throat, “Already told my moms you were comin’ along. I was just askin’ out of courtesy. Apparently, they’ve already set a placemat out for you at the dinner table. So now you have to.”

 

Gary’s expression softened for just a moment, before furrowing his brows again, perplexed by the idea of inclusion. He was silent for a moment, then unfolded his arms, sitting upright on his bed, “I’m not paying for gas.”

 

“Wasn’t asking for charity, Stupid.”

 

\--

 

The radio signal began fizzling out around 10 PM, just as Collie peered into the rear-view mirror to find Gary beginning to doze off in the backseat. He meant to get him to wake back up for some company, but figured the silence was something they both deserved after however many hours it had been on the road. Collie hadn’t been keeping count after the 8th hour anyhow. It didn’t really matter. He shut the radio off as he stared ahead at the empty highway.

 

They’d been in a strange state of friendship for the past couple weeks now. Nothing weird or wrong, but rather something that made Collie’s mind and heart race a million miles a minute. He didn’t want to say it was life-changing, but it had been, and it really kept him from an endless train of self doubt and deep rooted anxiety. 

 

It wasn’t that he was ashamed of himself, or ashamed of Gary for any reason. It had just been such a long time waiting and waiting, thinking Gary wasn’t going to ever come around. Collie was so used to getting whatever he wanted and whoever he wanted at the snap of a finger, the idea that someone couldn’t possibly be interested was an alien concept to him. No force intended, he was never going to make a move in the first place without even knowing who Gary batted for. But the hope never died out in Collie’s subconscious. 

 

Even if there wasn’t a chance in Hell, he was going to fight for it.

 

\--

 

A basketball game. One of many that Collie had invited Gary to come watch him play in, and even if Gary expressed disinterest in going, he always came, and was always cheering the loudest in the bleachers. It was always comforting to look out into the crowd to find him screaming Collie’s name with fierce, seemingly undying support. Collie decided that Gary was his good-luck charm, there hadn’t been a game that he sat in the bleachers for that the University of Pownal, Maine hadn’t won.

 

“Hey!” Wiping sweat droplets from his forehead with his wristband, Collie approached Gary in the stands, who had looked flushed and somewhat entranced for whatever reason. He’d been like that around Collie recently, absent minded and occasionally spacey. Collie paid no mind to it, “How’d I look out there? We won for the third fuckin’ game in a row!”

 

Arrogance engulfed Collie’s entire livelihood, especially when he’d just claimed victory, though it didn’t change anything about his appearance that day. Same sandy hair and freckles as always, something Collie wished he could change about himself but could never dare to admit, same stupid tooth gap and baby face as always. Whatever was different about himself that day was something Collie wished he could do every day for the rest of his life.

 

With a warm, very out of character smile, Gary leaned against the railing separating the two of them, chin resting on his palm, and sighed out, “You’re so pretty.”

 

Before Collie could even react, Gary cleared his throat loudly, raising his voice in a very sudden panic,  _ “I mean-- You’re so-- You’re pretty good! Pretty good at--at basketball, Jesus!” _

 

A big smile stretched across Collie’s face, which he tried to stifle, but just couldn’t keep it to himself. It felt like he was waiting an eternity just to hear those words, and he wasn’t even aware of the overwhelming need for it, to hear those words come from Gary of all people. The warmth that came from those words radiated into Collie’s heart something wild. It played over and over again in his mind like a broken record that he didn’t want to take out of the player.

 

“Copy that,” It felt as though all of Collie’s hopes and dreams had just come true, even for just a moment. His voice was softer now, “Pretty fuckin’ good.”


	2. Golden Hour

A bump in the road jolted Gary awake, ending his light snoring with a sharp, startled snort.

“Mornin’.” yawned Collie, aware of his own state of sleep deprivation now more than ever. The clock had just struck 2 AM, and they were still nowhere near their destination. It was beginning to feel like they’d never get there. Like they dropped off the face of the Earth years ago and had been wandering aimlessly through the darkness for the past 5 years. Collie couldn’t remember the last time he saw a car drive by.

“Where are we?”

“I’unno, somewhere past the state line.”

“Which state line?”

“No fuckin’ clue.”

Silence filled the car again, only awkward, irritated silence that only the uncomfortable shuffling Gary was doing in the backseat was interrupting. Gary let out an aggravated groan, as if he’d been the one driving without any proper rest all this time.

“I don’t get why I have to be stuck here in the back seat. The phone charger doesn’t even reach back here!” He whined.

Collie glanced over to the ranch flavoured Wheat Thins that he had buckled into the passenger seat before they headed out on their road trip. It hadn’t even been opened yet, still perfectly preserved in it’s happy blue box. He said nothing.

“God,” Exhaustion still coating his raspy voice, Gary rubbed sleep from his eyes, “You get on my nerves.”

“You’re one to talk,” Collie snapped back playfully, though still with a hint of irritation in his voice, “You’ve been back there complaining about fuckin’ God knows what this entire time. I tuned you out right after our last gas stop.”

“Shut up. What the hell happened to the radio?” Gary leaned over the center console to fidget with the radio to find a station that could possibly be anything but Christian preachers or country music out there in the middle of nowhere.

“I--” Collie turned his head slightly towards Gary, only to find his face hanging over his shoulder just close enough to get Collie’s heart to flutter. It was hard to get around closeness in a cramped vehicle, and it took all of Collie’s willpower to not move just another centimeter closer to kiss him again and again and again. Oh, the temptation was real and it made him feel so desperate, and so achy, and so, so hopeless. But, weirdly hopeful at the same time. His stomach churned relentlessly until he turned his full attention back to the road, “You--You can choose something off one of my phone’s playlists or something, I guess. Got no service out here, so that’s our only bet.”

Gary didn’t say anything in response, and picked up Collie’s phone to unlock it, only to raise the question, “Dude, why is your phone background a picture of us?”

That feeling of his heart falling out of his ass hit Collie like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t even open his mouth and search for an excuse before Gary chimed back in, “This is from that day that Paulie dude from your team took that total dive in the cafeteria right? Yeah, we took this at just the right time, look at him in the background, what an idiot.”

Taking a few more moments to admire the picture, Gary smiled fondly as the light from Collie’s phone illuminated his face, “Classic.”

Relief washed over Collie as Gary picked some song Collie couldn’t recognize for some odd reason, and he stared down at his dashboard, his grip on the steering wheel loosening as Gary settled back into the backseat. The gas gauge was right above E, and Collie pulled his car off the highway onto the nearest exit for a gas station.

\--

“Collie?”

The hours after that basketball game were sort of a blur. The game itself was even a distant memory, as were all the games Collie played in. The day still stood out to him at that point as being the most important day of his life.

It was usually around Golden Hour that his games would end, and normally, Collie would head back to his dorm alone after changing out of his uniform, but Gary had begun to hang around and wait for him after the fact, even when he hadn’t gone to the game prior. It was a nice, comforting change, and Collie had started to notice Gary opening up to him more recently, as well. Somewhere in the past couple weeks, a heart to heart or listening ear must’ve made something click in Gary’s mind, to where he had been softer and more vulnerable around Collie. It was different, but not at all unbecoming.

“What?” Collie replied, albeit a bit of a late response. He’d been caught up in thought about Gary’s slip-up just a 30 minutes earlier, the airiness in his voice echoing in Collie’s mind.

There was a brief silence as they continued to walk through their shortcut back to the dormitories, just before Gary had stopped in his tracks and caught Collie by the wrist. Catching him by surprise, Collie almost ripped his arm away from him, until realizing it was just him. 

He watched Gary hesitate for a moment. Gary had been sneaking glances at Collie in the light every few seconds. Even though he thought he was being subtle about it, Collie caught on to it after the first couple glances, and just continued to let it happen, and maybe even egged it on slightly by giving him some vaguely different angles to work with. He wasn’t going to let that ego boost pass him by.

Before he knew it, Gary had taken him by the collar of his shirt, darting his eyes left and right cautiously, checking for anyone passing by. The idea that he was about to punch Collie’s face in flashed in Collie’s mind just as Gary pulled him down to eye level and pressed his lips to the other’s, giving a deep exhale out the nose in satisfaction, as if he’d been waiting his entire life for this moment. Collie barely had time to process what was happening before Gary pulled away, looking him in the eye with a frightened yet overwhelmingly infatuated expression that Collie could barely read through the haziness of his own overwhelmingly deep love.

“I--” Gary had started in, but Collie couldn’t stand another second without the feeling of Gary’s lips against his again, and reeled him back in a little too eagerly, cupping his face with his hands like he was the most precious thing on Earth. 

And he was, to him, at least.


	3. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with mentions of sexual abuse and self harm, but it's nothing too graphic. still, please be cautious and please stay safe!

Collie considered am/pm a sort of sanctuary to cure any ailment, whether it be an empty tank, caffeine deficiency, or a Barkovitch-induced headache. Parking at a pump in an otherwise empty lot, he hopped out of his truck and began stretching out his legs and back, having not moved an inch in the past 6 hours. He heard Gary shut his door shortly after on the other side of the truck, making his way around to Collie’s side, and Collie whisked around to get a good look at him under the fluorescent lighting.

He was little. Almost a whole foot shorter than Collie, and didn’t have even half the muscle mass he had. Collie thought he was just perfect the way he was, though, and couldn’t think of a single thing he’d ever want to change about him.

“Where do the people who work in the middle of nowhere like this live, even?” Gary looked out into the pitch black horizon. Not a soul or a light in sight besides them, the gas station, and the unlucky bastard who had to work there.

Collie reached into his truck to grab his wallet, gripping his car keys tightly in his other hand to make sure they don’t get locked out due to his own absentmindedness, “They probably live in the backroom of the store, no way they’re makin’ an hour long commute every morning just to earn eight bucks an hour.”

“Yeah,” Gary chuckled, fiddling with the shitty little juul in his pocket that had run out of juice just after their last stop. Collie wasn’t keen on him smoking it in the car, regardless of it being just water vapor. That was besides the point of it being pure nicotine, but it made him smell like peaches, and that was something Collie didn’t mind at all, “There’s no wi-fi here, neither, he must be crazy bored in there.”

Inserting his card into the pump, Collie hit the premium gas option and began fueling his truck. Gary leaned against the bed of the truck, glancing around at all he could find, taking note of the deals the mini mart was offering for dirt cheap, the insane price Collie was paying for premium gas for absolutely no real gain, and setting his gaze on some chicken scratch etched into the side of Collie’s truck. There was a moment of hesitation, Gary considering whether or not to bring it up, but curiosity always got the better of him.

“Who keyed that into your car?” He pointed to the chicken scratch, clearly depicting the word “fag”, scratched into the paint by the back wheel with the intent of pure malice. Just the thought of how and why it happened made Collie nauseous, and he swallowed a lump in his throat that he wished he could’ve choked on.

“Someone from my high school.”

“Could’ve buffed it out, why didn’tcha?”

“I thought it seemed telling,” Almost to prove himself, he looked at Gary’s sweet, vaguely concerned face and grinned at him, “You look real cute under these lights, Barkovitch.”

Gary’s brows raised in surprise for a moment, then furrowed, and a noticeable redness immediately grew on his cheeks, “Shut up.”

There was a weird air surrounding them, one that felt comforting and right, but absolutely foreign and unreal. It was like they were opening up to each other in a completely different way, which they were, but neither of them really knew how to go about it. It was a first for the both of them, and it was strange and exciting.

“I mean it. You do.” The gas handle shut itself off and Collie placed it back into its holster on the pump, shutting his gas tank and locking up his car, “I’m hungry. C’mon.”

Patting Gary on the shoulder, he headed towards the am/pm mini mart, and Gary trailed closely behind.

\--

It always felt like there was no one or nowhere to turn to when Abraham wasn’t around. He was Collie’s rock on hard days, but he had already gone home for winter break, and at such an inconvenient time for Collie and his intense seasonal depression. He thought he had no one to turn to, as he didn’t feel he got along well enough with everyone else on the track team. Unless...

By the end of their first semester of college, the initial animosity between Gary and Collie had dissipated, leaving them with a sort of calm friendliness that Collie considered to be some sort of friendship. They weren’t that close, vague friends on the track team who occasionally cracked jokes and caused problems for their other teammates just for the hell of it, but nothing past a friendly exchange or small bicker. But even with that initial animosity, Collie still crushed on Gary with almost too much intensity that only got worse each and every day they grew closer.

After barraging Gary’s single dorm in a fit of confusion, dysphoria, and the overall feeling of not being able to keep himself a secret anymore, the two boys nestled themselves closely together in Gary’s bed, Collie finally starting to calm down enough to begin what he came here for in the first place. 

“Uh,” Collie hugged one of his knees close, thinking hard on what he should and shouldn’t say right now of all times, “In high school…”

His hesitation muddled the air of the dorm, and Gary could see plain on his face the complete discomfort shielding his thought process. Not knowing how to make things any easier for him, Gary scratched at his neck awkwardly, “Look, Collie, y’don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to--”

“No, I want to,” interrupted Collie, irritated with himself that he couldn’t just find the words he needed. Maybe his impulses weren’t entirely in check at that point, or maybe they were trying to convince him to stop now while he was ahead, but he ignored the alarm blaring in the back of his mind, “In high school, I was the target of some shitty fuckin’ rumours that, admittedly, were true, but--Well, they were half true, sort of, I mean…”

He took a deep breath as to collect himself, and Gary kept his full attention, confused, yet understanding. Collie continued. 

“I don’t want to say I was, like, the most popular guy in the school, but it’s not something I can really fuckin’ get around, y’know? There was this girl,” His voice hitched, and he swallowed hard, “She would come around to all the parties I held when my moms were out of town. She was in my grade and she really fuckin’ liked me, I guess, ‘cos she’d always play with my hair and kiss my neck and--and she’d touch me and I didn’t want her to. I didn’t.”

Anything to avoid eye contact, Collie began picking at a loose thread on one of Gary’s blankets, “She wasn’t the first, or even the last to, uh, damn it, I don’t know, I’m sorry, hold on.”

“That’s okay,” Gary whispered.

“I had no interest, but I didn’t try to stop her because I didn’t know how to,” A pained smile formed on Collie’s lips, “And what the fuck is a guy like me gonna do about rejecting someone who was ‘sposed to be the hottest girl in school, huh? I can’t do that. Not without raisin’ some eyebrows. I guess I never said no, but that doesn’t make it okay. I tried real fuckin’ hard to prevent this sorta thing from happening at parties, but I couldn’t prevent it from happening to myself. I don’t know why.

“She got real pissed when it finally hit her that I wasn’t into it, never was, stormed right outta my house after having her way with me, regardless. Next day at school, I walked down the hall with stares that read like I was a predator and everyone else was prey. I was a well-liked guy before that, I guess, but it was like I became a threat to mankind overnight, ha.”

Collie scratched his arm anxiously, which had caught Gary’s attention. After all the time he’d spent with Collie, only now was he noticing an array of nicks and scratches, paired with some seemingly deeply cut scars up and down his right arm. Some marks looked newer than others, but Gary didn’t say anything about it. Collie picked at a scab as he rambled on.

“Abe told me the news. Apparently, I was batting for the other team, and everyone knew. Well, everyone who followed Bridgette on Twitter, at least. But word spread quickly in Joliet. I had a reputation to keep up with at school. No popular, bully, jock type was ‘sposed to be funny,” He pushed his hair back, and Gary didn’t want to admit to himself that there were tears in Collie’s eyes. No, Collie was stronger than that, he couldn’t have. Collie fought the urge to cry, “Especially not one on the wrestling team, no way. They kicked me off the team, and there was a discomfort between me and the rest of the teams I played for even then. I never wanted to come out, not in high school.”

For some reason, Gary acted on instinct and sat up on his knees to pull Collie into a warm embrace the moment he saw a tear roll down Collie’s blotchy, red cheek. Collie almost tried to fight it on his own instinct, but instead, melted in Gary’s arms, finding the comfort he needed. And oh, how he cried.

There was much more to the story that Collie didn’t include, and honestly didn’t want to right then. He had said enough, he thought. But he figured he may as well confirm what Gary was already thinking. He pulled away from Gary’s arms, and with his vision blurred, he looked him in the eye and dropped his own arms into his lap. 

“I’m gay, Gary.”

“Alright.”


	4. No Reason

Faint 80s music played throughout the mini mart, though garbled with static, and it wasn’t even the good kind of 80s music that made you want to bop along to, but rather the niche type of synthesizer smashing that made Collie nauseous upon stepping foot inside. He watched Gary head over to the employee at the counter without a word. Probably to pick up a new juul pod, he thought, then he chuckled quietly to himself before heading down one of the snack aisles.

He didn’t really know what he wanted, and in fact, he was more so distracted by the back of Gary’s head from across the room than anything else. After a few moments, he noticed Gary turn back around in a huff and begin to head in Collie’s direction, and Collie ducked his head down and pretended to examine a package of pumpkin seeds with intense consideration.

“The guy doesn’t believe I’m 18,” Gary whined, shoving his hands in the pockets of his varsity jacket, “Gave him my I.D. and everything, fuckin’ asshole still turned me away!”

“You don’t look a day over 17,” mused Collie, pretending to settle on the decision to not get pumpkin seeds, “S’probably why. You ever try growing a couple inches?”

“I’m working on it, dick.”

Collie laughed warmly and set his arrogant gaze on Gary’s short stature, “Don’t, I like ‘em short. You, especially.”

“Stop it,” Gary’s face flushed a warm pink, “Is your head on straight?”

“You know it’s not. I can’t help that you’re cute,” Whatever convinced Collie to start laying it on thick was obviously getting Gary flustered, but it seemed like he was welcoming to the attention, which only egged Collie on more, “Maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten a good look at you for a few hours, but you’re lookin’ cuter than usual right now.”

A big, nervous smile stretched across Gary’s lips, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. It was rare to see his smile, everything about it was perfect. He was perfect, he was just the most beautiful thing Collie had ever laid his eyes on, and the yearning droned on excessively any time Gary’s smile brightened the room. He bantered back, raspy voice warm and thick with suggestion, “Not so bad looking yourself, Parker.”

Collie’s heart beat loudly in his ears, almost feeling like he’d misheard him. Suppressing the urge to confess his feelings to Gary right then, it was far from the right time, he chuckled, sounding more like a nervous, giggly school girl rather than a big, buff 19 year old man, “Jesus, Barkovitch, you always come on this strong?”

Not saying a word, smile still plastered sweetly on his face, Gary reached up, hung his arms over Collie’s shoulders, and pulled him into another kiss, passionate and full of genuine interest, at least, that’s how Collie read it. Trying to figure where to put his hands, Collie settled them on Gary’s hips as he found the courage to kiss him back. It felt like an eternity, though only seconds had passed once Gary had pulled away from the kiss. Collie’s eyes snapped open as if he’d been dreaming this whole time, but Gary was still there in front of him, still beautiful, now laughing softly, arms sliding off of Collie’s shoulders weakly, “Shut up, Collie.”

With pursed lips and a red face you could see from miles away, Collie turned away in shock, as if this has never happened before, despite it being at least their third kiss by that point, and headed down the aisle to pick up a random snack to avoid grabbing Gary by the waist and kissing him up, down, and all around, because the right moment had passed. 

Heading up to the cash register, Collie glanced behind him to find Gary hanging back, still over by the pumpkin seeds he’d rejected earlier, smiling smugly to himself and not doing much of anything, not even grabbing anything for himself. Collie placed the random item he had grabbed onto the counter, getting a good view of it now. A three-pack of chapstick wasn’t going to give him the nutrients he needed to survive, but it was fine.

He looked around the counter desperately for something, anything that could prevent him from going back into the aisles, looking like an idiot. It wouldn’t have mattered to anybody but him, but the underlying anxiety about the whole situation was really getting to him. His eyes landed on the hot dog roller to his left, and a sense of freedom washed over him.

“Can I get one of those?” He pointed at one of the hot dogs that looked like they’d been rolling there for the past week. His gaze settled on the vape products behind the cashier, and nodded in the direction of them, “And a couple of peach juul pods.”

“They come in packs of four.”

“...Okay.”

The guy didn’t card Collie like he did Gary, probably considering Collie looked much older that he actually was, much to his disliking. He collected his wares and turned back to Gary, nodding in the direction of the door, “Let’s go, man.”

Gary looked up from a new game of Solitaire on his phone, shoving it back into his pocket, and trotted to Collie over at the door, “Dude, did you get one of those gas station hot dogs? You sure about eating that?”

Staring down at the foil wrapped hot dog in his hand, Collie questioned his own mortality and existence for a split moment, “I guess so. Oh!”

Shuffling things around in his hands as they headed outside, Collie handed Gary the package of juul pods that he swore he could smell from outside the packaging, “Got these for you, stupid.”

Gratitude, for the worst reasons, shone on Gary’s face as he took the package from Collie, “Oh, shit, dude, thank you. What’s with you always having my back, huh?”

“Hm,” Collie smiled warmly as he unlocked the car doors, “No real reason.”


End file.
